If you or someone you know needs help, please call...now.

Early detection is key.  Get a mammogram as soon as possible.  If you cannot afford a mammogram, ask the clinic or doctor's office for referral to a program that will pay for mammograms for low income households.  Do not wait!  My cancer was found one year and two days after my previous mammogram. Because mine was very aggressive, it would have been advanced if I had waited until age 45 to have another mammogram.  A little temporary pain is better than a lifetime of fighting advanced stage cancer.

Helping Someone with Breast Cancer

Friends and family may not know what to do when someone is diagnosed with cancer.  This article has great suggestions on how to help.

I found the following things to be of most help to me. 

Gift Cards
Money is a worry.  Medical bills are expensive and many individuals lose time at work and end up with reduced paychecks due to surgery and treatment.  Gift cards to restaurants that deliver are wonderful.  Sometimes you just don't feel like cooking so ordering delivery is a blessing.  Gift cards to Walmart or Target are also helpful for over-the-counter medicines, lip balm, baby shampoo, nutritional drinks, hand sanitizer, and other needed items.  Gas cards are especially great for those who need to travel for treatment.

Lawn Care
My suggestion is to not even ask.  Just show up and mow the lawn.  Pick up sticks, clear weeds, shovel snow, or anything else that needs to be done.

Children & Caregivers
Remember the children and caregivers.  Offer to take the kids to and from school, athletic events, and church.  Offer to sit with the person fighting cancer so the caregiver can have a break.  Offer to take the kids to the park or to a movie so they can get out of the house and just be regular kids for a while.  Ask the children and caregivers how THEY are doing; do not just talk about the patient.

Cards and Gifts
Getting cards and letters was a blessing.  It was great to know that people are thinking about you.  Gifts of items that cancer patients can use were very helpful.  Items I found most helpful were lip balm for sensitive skin, unscented lotion for sensitive skin, single serve snacks, pocket tissues, baby shampoo, fuzzy non-skid socks, and cups with straws.  Other items were great, too, especially those intended for my child.

Prayer
Let the patient know you are praying for them.  Ask if it is ok to add them to public prayer lists and then follow through to do so.  There is power in prayer.

There are many other ways you can help someone with cancer.  I also enjoyed prayer shawls, phone calls, messages on social media, scarves, wigs, and numerous other items.  Talk to the patient and see what she needs.  Many times all she needs is someone to listen while she talks or a shoulder to cry on.

Psychological Abuse

For many victims, psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse.  Bruises heal faster than emotional trauma.  Many individuals do not even realize that they are victims of psychological abuse until it is too late.

Some signs of psychological abuse include:

• name calling
• demeaning comments
• making the victim believe everything is her fault
• isolating the victim from friends and family
• lying
• constantly criticizing
• always blaming the victim when something goes wrong

If you notice psychological abuse, talk to the victim.  Convince the victim to see help from a pastor, counselor, or family member.  While a victim may refuse help, please offer help.  You can give her a copy of this NCADV brochure which explains psychological abuse.

The linked brochure states that psychological abuse is a stronger predictor of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that physical abuse in women.  I truly believe this.  While I do have some PTSD from my physical abuse, I still struggle to overcome the psychological abuse.

Please, if you believe someone is being abused, talk to them.  Even if they deny it, at least you have made an effort to help someone survive and thrive.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness and Breast Cancer Awareness month. Please support survivors and thrivers.

Miss me?

I am finally back.  Shame on me for letting life get in the way of my writing. But, life happens.  What has happened to keep me away?  Well, basically three items--chemo brain, abuse flashbacks, and becoming a high school mom.

Chemo brain is difficult.  I became extremely frustrated at my bad memory.  Truthfully, my memory was not always the best before chemo but it has definitely become worse since I finished chemo.  I have been doing some logic puzzles to help increase my concentration.  I also have implemented a To Do list on my phone.  I was using pop-up reminder to help me remember to take my medications every night.  I have now eight items that pop up at various times each day to help me remember to accomplish tasks.  I also use it for other reminders that are not daily such as paying a bill, grocery shopping, doing the laundry, and anything else I could possibly forget.  Yes, blogging is now one of the items on the list!  I am finding it quite a struggle to deal with the chemo brain but hopefully the new lists will help.

My oncologist said that when you experience one trauma, it can cause flashbacks to past traumas.  I have been working with a counselor to help me deal with all these emotions and flashbacks.  We have discovered that I was released from counseling too early after I moved out of the shelter seven years ago.  Although my previous counselor helped me deal with my most recent abuse, we never discussed other past abuses.  I've been working on releasing those skeletons in the closet so I can heal and move on.  My current counselor is also helping me deal with my chemo brain plus other emotional issues from my cancer journey.  The ladies in my weekly domestic abuse support group have been wonderful support.

I have definitely need support and advice for my new role as a high school mom.  My daughter attended the same parochial school from age seven weeks through eighth grade.  She is now enrolled in a local parochial high school.  She is busy with classes, dance team, drama club, and pep club.  Although she is not playing any fall sports, we have been going to various games to support her friends.  I had a hard time adjusting to giving her more responsibility and freedom but so far we are both doing well. She is thriving at high school. I have received some great complements about her attitude and personality.  As a single parent is it sometimes difficult to know if I am doing the right things.  Apparently I have been on the right track.

Since October is Domestic Violence Awareness month AND Breast Cancer Awareness month, I hope to revive this blog so we can all discuss Surviving and Thriving once again. If there are any topics you would like to know more about, please feel free to leave a comment or email me so I can include them in upcoming posts.  Thank you for coming back.  I hope to see you here again regularly.

Keeping Track of Medications

Before I was diagnosed with cancer I took one prescription medication daily.  I also had an inhaler and few over the counter medications that I took as needed.

After my diagnosis, I found I needed one of these.

The one in the photo is similar to mine.  You can pull out each day's meds to take it with you if needed.

I now understand how difficult it is for older people to keep track of all of their medications.  I had multiple pills that I took each day.  During chemo weeks I had specific pills to take on specific days.  Most pills were taken in the mornings but during chemo weeks I also had evening pills.  During non-chemo weeks I had different pills to take.  In all cases, many pills were "as needed" so I didn't put them in the pill case but instead kept the bottles beside the pill case.  At first I tried using a black marker to label the lid of each pill bottle but that just didn't work as well as the pill case.

I also carried a bag of all my medications to each doctor's appointment.  They always want to know which medications you are taking.  There was no way I could remember them all so I just took the bag with me.  I also kept all of my over the counter medicines in the same plastic box as my pill box so they were easy to find when needed and easy to throw into the bag that went to the doctor's visit.

I am down to only 3 daily pills but I am being weaned off one of those.  I'm hoping to eventually get down to no daily pills.  I am not anti-pill but I prefer to take care of medical issues naturally if possible.  By eating healthier, exercising, and losing weight I hope to no longer need pills.  I will, however, discuss the situation with my doctor before making any changes.

Creative Vegetables

I am working on eating more fresh vegetables.  I've seen many recipes for zoodles (zucchini noodles) as well as other vegetables cut into thin ribbons or noodle shapes.  I'm seriously thinking I should get a spiral slicer contraption so I can get more creative with my veggies.

I saw the one in the photo below on Amazon this week. Maybe it's something I can add to my birthday or Christmas list this year.

If you have a contraption that slices and/or spirals, please leave a comment about your experience--bonus points for recipes!

Eating at McDonald's While on Weight Watchers

I have been following Weight Watchers for 2 months now.  My vacation set me back a few pounds but I've lost 10 pound in the 2 month period.  I was glad to see that the Healthy Points Recipes website has created a list of Weight Watchers SmartPoints for McDonalds.  I prefer to cook at home with my own fresh ingredients but sometimes a single parent needs a quick meal.

You can find the list of SmartPoints on the website at New McDonald's Menu Updated with Smart Points 2016

Exercise

I believe we all know exercise is good for us.  The thought doesn't always get us working out, though.  All of my doctors stressed exercise once I finished my treatments. Because I am determined to survive and thrive, I started walking as much as I could once I no longer needed a cane. I joined the local gym with my 3-month free pass and plan to continue my membership when the free months are over.

I can tell that exercise helps me feel better.  It helps my depression. I sleep better. I have more energy the day after I exercise.  Exercise really does help fatigue.  So, I'm not surprised that this article suggests exercise improves memory.

My memory problems started while I was on chemo.  My memory seems to have improved in the past 6 months but I still struggle with remembering names and remembering recent conversations.  Hopefully exercise along with better nutrition will help me remember a little better.

Exercise linked to fewer memory problems in breast cancer survivors

Loss

At the retreat for families dealing with cancer the first weekend in June we met a family where the mother was battling a brain tumor.  My 14-year-old daughter has been texting her 15-year-old son daily since the retreat.  Today his mother lost her battle with brain cancer.  Part of surviving and thriving is being there for the families who need us.  Surviving and thriving is not just for those with cancer--caregivers need to survive and thrive, too.

Today

No time to catch up on blogging yet.  But, the laundry is getting done.

Vacations

It has been 6 years since my last real vacation.  This year taking a vacation was a priority.  Life is too short to not visit relatives and take some family time.  My daughter and I just returned from visiting relatives in Chicago.  We had a great time.  It was good to have some fun mother-daughter time considering that in the past year, a lot of our mother-daughter time involved drains, chemo, and not so fun stuff.

The problem with vacations is that they end and then we have to return to normal life again...until the next time! :)

July 4

Time to celebrate!

Last year on July 4 my daughter returned from visiting her father. Before we headed out to celebrate the 4th with my extended family, I told her about my cancer diagnosis.  It was difficult but I had my biopsy results and had talked with my general surgeon and plastic surgeon so my game plan was in place. She took it well and we had a good time watching fireworks that night.

This year I am healthy, getting healthier, and have a lot to celebrate.

Happy Independence Day!

Lazy Tacos

I have been taking my lunch to work almost every day since I joined Weight Watchers.  I am determined to become healthier and one of the things I know I need to change is my diet.  I am adding more lean meats and green vegetables to my diet.  Unfortunately, I am not a morning person so when I forget to prepare something the night before I have to get creative the next day.  I developed this quick and easy meal one day and I liked it well enough that I make it fairly often.

This recipe can be modified to your taste and cooking style.

1. Take 3 soft corn tortillas and toss them in a plastic container with a lid.
2. Place mixed salad greens, lettuce, onions, or any other kind of raw vegetable in a separate container.
3. Place frozen grilled chicken strips into a 1 cup sized container.  Sprinkle cumin, chili powder, and dried cilantro on top of the frozen chicken.
4. When it's time to eat, microwave the soft corn tortillas for 20 to 30 seconds.  Microwave the chicken for about 1 minute or until completely heated.  Stir the chicken and seasonings when it is hot.  Assemble your lazy tacos and eat.

I'm sure you can use flour tortillas but I prefer corn and the corn tortillas are less points.  Of course you can use thawed chicken if you are better at me than remembering to thaw it first.

Some of the best recipes are those created at the spur of the moment. Enjoy!

Triple Negative

When you are diagnosed with cancer, you learn a lot of new terminology.  One that I have learned to hate is "Triple Negative Breast Cancer."  It basically means there is no targeted treatment for my type of cancer so you hope that the surgery and general chemotherapy eradicate it.  This article explains triple negative breast cancer better than I can. Triple Negative Breast Cancer

Why me?

After moving into a domestic violence shelter and after being diagnosed with cancer, I often asked "Why me?"  I kept thinking there must be some reason why God allowed these things to happen to me.  I would sometimes think that in the future maybe I was to help someone else going through the same situation.  Maybe there was something I would learn that would help me in the future.  Maybe I would meet someone who would become a lifelong friend.  I had no clue but I kept thinking that there must be some reason these bad things were happening to me. Why me?  I should learn to stop thinking of myself because maybe it wasn't all about me.

My daughter befriended another teenager while at a recent retreat for cancer patients and their families.  While the idea of my teen talking a boy I didn't know very well made me a little nervous, I found I liked the idea because she said it helped her to have someone to talk to who understood what she went through.  She told me her new friend also said he felt the same way.  Unfortunately his mother has a cancer that is not as easily treated as mine.  My daughter said she was up until almost midnight the other night talking with him.  His mother is in the hospital and according to my daughter "isn't doing very well."  I am glad she can be a comfort to another teen. It makes me feel like I'm going something right as a mother.

So, maybe my bad experiences were not necessarily about me.  Maybe my experiences have also placed other people in a position to be of service to others.

Thrive

Self Esteem

Phil's Friends

Phil's Friends is a Christian cancer support program.  You can request care packages to be sent to individuals with cancer.  Some churches will also personally distribute care packages.  You can find more information at http://philsfriends.org/

Care for Caregivers

When someone in a family has cancer, the whole family has cancer.  You may hear someone say "we" have cancer or "we" are fighting cancer.  While the individual with the cancer is usually the emphasis of prayers and gifts, it is very important to remember the caregivers.

My daughter said the one thing that really bothered her was that people would ask her "How is your mom?" but she said "Mom, they never ask how I am doing."

Caregivers come in all forms--spouses, children, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends--whoever is caring for the patient is a caregiver.  Please make sure you ask how the caregiver is doing.  Don't just ask and accept an answer like "Fine."  Show an interest in the caregiver.  If you know they have certain hobbies, ask about them.  Ask about school, work, or even the weather before you ask about the patient.  Caregivers would like the opportunity to be themselves because they are still individuals even though they are caring for someone with cancer.  Once you have addressed the caregiver, he or she may volunteer information about the patient.

Be willing to listen.  Caregivers may have feelings they do not wish to express to the patient.  Maybe the caregiver is tired or frustrated but does not want to worry the patient.  The caregiver may have their own issues such as stress at their job or school and is hiding it from the patient.  He or she may want someone to listen because they are not currently comfortable bringing up the topic to the patient. Give the caregiver the opportunity to talk but do not press for a topic the caregiver may not want to discuss.

Sometimes the caregiver doesn't want to talk.  Sometimes caregivers just want temporarily forget about the cancer, the chemo, the radiation, the surgeries.  Offer to take the caregiver out to lunch, to walk in the park, to play with other children, or whatever fun activities that will give the caregiver a break.  If the patient needs constant care, pair up with someone and have one person stay with the patient while the another person goes out with the caregiver.

Caregivers are VERY important in the fighting and recovering process.  Above everything else, please keep them in your prayers.

Happy Flag Day

Go ahead and celebrate.  Celebrate Flag Day.  Celebrate our country. Celebrate freedom.  Celebrate life.

I am more likely to celebrate anything now.  I never celebrated my birthday but this past year I celebrated with a decorated ice cream cake and family and friends singing "Happy Birthday".  I even had candles on the cake.  At Christmas I took selfies with each niece and nephew in front of the Christmas tree. At Easter I hunted eggs with my nephew and nieces. 

You never know when your world might be turned upside down. Cancer, domestic abuse, accidents, and other surprises happen all too often.  Take the time to celebrate milestones, accomplishments, holidays, each other, anything.  Life is short.  Celebrate!

Weight Watchers

I joined Weight Watchers in May.  I tried it years ago with the online only plan and was successful until I got lazy and quit following the program.  I have more incentive to stick with it now.  I'm determined to be healthier so I have the best chance possible to keep my cancer from returning.  This time I am attending the local meetings which I have found to be very motivational and informative.

I love the Weight Watchers iPhone app. It is easy to track the points wherever I am because my phone is almost always with me.  It also syncs with my Fitbit to keep track of my activity.  So far I have lost a little over 6 pounds.  I have a long way to go to get to a healthy weight but I am moving in the right direction.

So, if you see me at the grocery store scanning items with my phone, I'm not crazy, I'm just planning my meals for the week.

Rejoice in Hope

This is the Bible verse that became my theme during my cancer journey.  I used it along with a breathing exercise to help calm myself.  I would breathe in and think "Rejoice in hope" followed by holding my breath while I thought "be patient in tribulation."  I slowly released my breath while thinking "be constant in prayer" and then held my breath again while thinking "Romans 12:12."  The exercise will work with slowly counting or any other phrases that help to bring you calm and peace.

If you have a breathing exercise, Bible verse, or special phrase you use when you experience anxiety, please feel free to share it in the comments.

Thriving after cancer treatment

I know I have not been the healthiest individual in the past.  I've been overweight most of my life.  I never liked exercise but I love cooking and eating.  One way I am thriving after treatment is to eat healthier and exercise.  The American Cancer Society has a lot of information about how to Be Healthy After Treatment.

I am definitely eating healthier than before my diagnosis.  I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables.  I have greatly reduced the amount of processed foods I consume. I know I need to stop drinking diet sodas but that will come later.  I know if I change too much too soon I will not stick with a healthier diet.

I have also started exercising regularly.  I received a Fitbit Charge HR as a gift at Christmas.  It has been helpful to increase my daily steps.  I also received a 3-month free membership to a local fitness facility after completing a 6-week workshop for breast cancer patients.  I was able to pay a little extra to add my daughter to the fitness club membership. My daughter and I had a fitness assessment and will work with a trainer to set up a fitness program to meet both of our needs.  My first fitness goal is to be able to walk a 5K.  At this point I only have the endurance to walk about 1.5 miles but this will change, I'm sure.

I hope that my sharing my ups and down during my thriving journey will help anyone else who wishes to make changes in their life.

Sh'bam

I tried a new exercise today.  My fitness center offers virtual (video) classes as well as classes with a live person leading them.  Today I tried the virtual Sh'bam class.  It is a 45 minute dance workout.  My fatigue was worse today than normal so I only made it through 30 minutes of the class.  I was the only one in the room so it was not as fun as it would have been with company but at least I didn't have to worry about this clumsy body looking foolish.

This is one of many types of exercising I plan to try while I work to get healthier.  If you have tried Sh'bam, please leave a comment about how you liked it.

For more information about the class I attended you can visit http://www.lesmills.com/us/workouts/fitness-classes/shbam/

One Year Cancer Diagnosis Anniversary

One year ago today I went for my yearly mammogram.  It had been 1 year and 2 days since my last one. After the mammogram I was sent to a small waiting room instead of being told I could change back into my clothes.  I had a biopsy 3 years earlier for a spot that turned out to be a calcium deposit.  I was so afraid they had found another one and that I would need another biopsy. It turns out I didn't need a biopsy right away.  Instead they sent me to have an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech showed me the mass on the screen.  She measured the mass at 1.6 centimeters. She said the lymph nodes under my arm looked clear, though.

After I was dressed the radiologist came into the room and said, "It looks like you have cancer."

I cried a lot that day.  My main concern was that I live long enough to raise my daughter and see her graduate from high school.

One year later I am doing great and looking forward to seeing my daughter begin high school in a couple months.

I chose today to begin this blog.  I used to enjoy writing.  During the past year I posted updates about my cancer journey on Facebook. Family and friends suggested I post more about my recovery and how I am working to thrive after a very difficult journey.  I hope this blog is informative and helpful to all of my visitors.