Care for Caregivers

When someone in a family has cancer, the whole family has cancer.  You may hear someone say "we" have cancer or "we" are fighting cancer.  While the individual with the cancer is usually the emphasis of prayers and gifts, it is very important to remember the caregivers.

My daughter said the one thing that really bothered her was that people would ask her "How is your mom?" but she said "Mom, they never ask how I am doing."

Caregivers come in all forms--spouses, children, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends--whoever is caring for the patient is a caregiver.  Please make sure you ask how the caregiver is doing.  Don't just ask and accept an answer like "Fine."  Show an interest in the caregiver.  If you know they have certain hobbies, ask about them.  Ask about school, work, or even the weather before you ask about the patient.  Caregivers would like the opportunity to be themselves because they are still individuals even though they are caring for someone with cancer.  Once you have addressed the caregiver, he or she may volunteer information about the patient.

Be willing to listen.  Caregivers may have feelings they do not wish to express to the patient.  Maybe the caregiver is tired or frustrated but does not want to worry the patient.  The caregiver may have their own issues such as stress at their job or school and is hiding it from the patient.  He or she may want someone to listen because they are not currently comfortable bringing up the topic to the patient. Give the caregiver the opportunity to talk but do not press for a topic the caregiver may not want to discuss.

Sometimes the caregiver doesn't want to talk.  Sometimes caregivers just want temporarily forget about the cancer, the chemo, the radiation, the surgeries.  Offer to take the caregiver out to lunch, to walk in the park, to play with other children, or whatever fun activities that will give the caregiver a break.  If the patient needs constant care, pair up with someone and have one person stay with the patient while the another person goes out with the caregiver.

Caregivers are VERY important in the fighting and recovering process.  Above everything else, please keep them in your prayers.