If you or someone you know needs help, please call...now.

Early detection is key.  Get a mammogram as soon as possible.  If you cannot afford a mammogram, ask the clinic or doctor's office for referral to a program that will pay for mammograms for low income households.  Do not wait!  My cancer was found one year and two days after my previous mammogram. Because mine was very aggressive, it would have been advanced if I had waited until age 45 to have another mammogram.  A little temporary pain is better than a lifetime of fighting advanced stage cancer.

Helping Someone with Breast Cancer

Friends and family may not know what to do when someone is diagnosed with cancer.  This article has great suggestions on how to help.

I found the following things to be of most help to me. 

Gift Cards
Money is a worry.  Medical bills are expensive and many individuals lose time at work and end up with reduced paychecks due to surgery and treatment.  Gift cards to restaurants that deliver are wonderful.  Sometimes you just don't feel like cooking so ordering delivery is a blessing.  Gift cards to Walmart or Target are also helpful for over-the-counter medicines, lip balm, baby shampoo, nutritional drinks, hand sanitizer, and other needed items.  Gas cards are especially great for those who need to travel for treatment.

Lawn Care
My suggestion is to not even ask.  Just show up and mow the lawn.  Pick up sticks, clear weeds, shovel snow, or anything else that needs to be done.

Children & Caregivers
Remember the children and caregivers.  Offer to take the kids to and from school, athletic events, and church.  Offer to sit with the person fighting cancer so the caregiver can have a break.  Offer to take the kids to the park or to a movie so they can get out of the house and just be regular kids for a while.  Ask the children and caregivers how THEY are doing; do not just talk about the patient.

Cards and Gifts
Getting cards and letters was a blessing.  It was great to know that people are thinking about you.  Gifts of items that cancer patients can use were very helpful.  Items I found most helpful were lip balm for sensitive skin, unscented lotion for sensitive skin, single serve snacks, pocket tissues, baby shampoo, fuzzy non-skid socks, and cups with straws.  Other items were great, too, especially those intended for my child.

Prayer
Let the patient know you are praying for them.  Ask if it is ok to add them to public prayer lists and then follow through to do so.  There is power in prayer.

There are many other ways you can help someone with cancer.  I also enjoyed prayer shawls, phone calls, messages on social media, scarves, wigs, and numerous other items.  Talk to the patient and see what she needs.  Many times all she needs is someone to listen while she talks or a shoulder to cry on.

Psychological Abuse

For many victims, psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse.  Bruises heal faster than emotional trauma.  Many individuals do not even realize that they are victims of psychological abuse until it is too late.

Some signs of psychological abuse include:

• name calling
• demeaning comments
• making the victim believe everything is her fault
• isolating the victim from friends and family
• lying
• constantly criticizing
• always blaming the victim when something goes wrong

If you notice psychological abuse, talk to the victim.  Convince the victim to see help from a pastor, counselor, or family member.  While a victim may refuse help, please offer help.  You can give her a copy of this NCADV brochure which explains psychological abuse.

The linked brochure states that psychological abuse is a stronger predictor of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that physical abuse in women.  I truly believe this.  While I do have some PTSD from my physical abuse, I still struggle to overcome the psychological abuse.

Please, if you believe someone is being abused, talk to them.  Even if they deny it, at least you have made an effort to help someone survive and thrive.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness and Breast Cancer Awareness month. Please support survivors and thrivers.

Miss me?

I am finally back.  Shame on me for letting life get in the way of my writing. But, life happens.  What has happened to keep me away?  Well, basically three items--chemo brain, abuse flashbacks, and becoming a high school mom.

Chemo brain is difficult.  I became extremely frustrated at my bad memory.  Truthfully, my memory was not always the best before chemo but it has definitely become worse since I finished chemo.  I have been doing some logic puzzles to help increase my concentration.  I also have implemented a To Do list on my phone.  I was using pop-up reminder to help me remember to take my medications every night.  I have now eight items that pop up at various times each day to help me remember to accomplish tasks.  I also use it for other reminders that are not daily such as paying a bill, grocery shopping, doing the laundry, and anything else I could possibly forget.  Yes, blogging is now one of the items on the list!  I am finding it quite a struggle to deal with the chemo brain but hopefully the new lists will help.

My oncologist said that when you experience one trauma, it can cause flashbacks to past traumas.  I have been working with a counselor to help me deal with all these emotions and flashbacks.  We have discovered that I was released from counseling too early after I moved out of the shelter seven years ago.  Although my previous counselor helped me deal with my most recent abuse, we never discussed other past abuses.  I've been working on releasing those skeletons in the closet so I can heal and move on.  My current counselor is also helping me deal with my chemo brain plus other emotional issues from my cancer journey.  The ladies in my weekly domestic abuse support group have been wonderful support.

I have definitely need support and advice for my new role as a high school mom.  My daughter attended the same parochial school from age seven weeks through eighth grade.  She is now enrolled in a local parochial high school.  She is busy with classes, dance team, drama club, and pep club.  Although she is not playing any fall sports, we have been going to various games to support her friends.  I had a hard time adjusting to giving her more responsibility and freedom but so far we are both doing well. She is thriving at high school. I have received some great complements about her attitude and personality.  As a single parent is it sometimes difficult to know if I am doing the right things.  Apparently I have been on the right track.

Since October is Domestic Violence Awareness month AND Breast Cancer Awareness month, I hope to revive this blog so we can all discuss Surviving and Thriving once again. If there are any topics you would like to know more about, please feel free to leave a comment or email me so I can include them in upcoming posts.  Thank you for coming back.  I hope to see you here again regularly.

Keeping Track of Medications

Before I was diagnosed with cancer I took one prescription medication daily.  I also had an inhaler and few over the counter medications that I took as needed.

After my diagnosis, I found I needed one of these.

The one in the photo is similar to mine.  You can pull out each day's meds to take it with you if needed.

I now understand how difficult it is for older people to keep track of all of their medications.  I had multiple pills that I took each day.  During chemo weeks I had specific pills to take on specific days.  Most pills were taken in the mornings but during chemo weeks I also had evening pills.  During non-chemo weeks I had different pills to take.  In all cases, many pills were "as needed" so I didn't put them in the pill case but instead kept the bottles beside the pill case.  At first I tried using a black marker to label the lid of each pill bottle but that just didn't work as well as the pill case.

I also carried a bag of all my medications to each doctor's appointment.  They always want to know which medications you are taking.  There was no way I could remember them all so I just took the bag with me.  I also kept all of my over the counter medicines in the same plastic box as my pill box so they were easy to find when needed and easy to throw into the bag that went to the doctor's visit.

I am down to only 3 daily pills but I am being weaned off one of those.  I'm hoping to eventually get down to no daily pills.  I am not anti-pill but I prefer to take care of medical issues naturally if possible.  By eating healthier, exercising, and losing weight I hope to no longer need pills.  I will, however, discuss the situation with my doctor before making any changes.